My Two Elaines - A Governor's Dementia Caregiving Memoir
Former governor of Wisconsin, Martin L. Schreiber ("Marty") married his high school sweetheart, Elaine. Sixty-two years later, she died from Alzheimer's Disease. To help other spouses on the same dementia caregiving journey, Marty wrote a memoir: My Two Elaines. In it, he says, “None of the books I read conveyed the ugly truth about caregiving: that it can destroy you – even kill you – if you go about it wrong.”
Marty also wrote the memoir to help heal his own heart. Recounting his ignorance, frustration, and anger, Marty says he was not a very good caregiver. He talks about how having to ask for help challenged his sense of masculinity, something many men of his generation struggle with. He also talks about coping with alcohol, what he calls "the caregiver's poison," until his children intervened and made him see what he was doing to himself.
“None of the books I read conveyed the ugly truth about caregiving: that it can destroy you – even kill you – if you go about it wrong.”
That's just a taste of the hard-hitting reality conveyed by author Martin (Marty) Schreiber in his memoir, "My Two Elaines." Elaine was Marty's highschool sweetheart and wife of 62 years when she died from Alzheimer's.
As a former governor, Marty was prepared for the political responsibilities focused on leading the State of Wisconson. As a loving husband to a wife with Alzheimer's, he floundered.
Marty talks bluntly about several aspects of caregiving:
- the benefits of being told the truth of a diagnosis
- the unique stress a husband faces when he is the caregiver
- how asking for help can challenge a man's masculinity
- how critical it is to enter your loved one's world when trying to communicate
- the inevitable anger and frustration of trying to fix the unfixable
- the danger of trying to cope with alcohol -- what Marty calls, "the caregiver's poison."
- self-reflection, regrets, and the importance of sharing personal caregiving stories
This is a love story. Sad. Strong. Funny at times. Always encouraging.
Martin Schreiber's website: My Two Elaines
If you're caring for a spouse with dementia and are finding it hard to tell family and friends what you're going through, send them this link to Episode 23: The Caregiver You Love Needs Help
Are you caring for a spouse with dementia? Have you written a book about dementia? Please let me know. I'd love to speak with you. Send an email to: zita@myspousehasdementia.com
